God help me make this happen!
Scarlett's home
…but it won’t be anytime soon!
It has been more than a year since I decided I’d pursue biking as an active activity to aid my knee problem recovery. With this decision came first the purchase. Last year, with Dona and Sir Norms, we bought Scarlett, a Haro Shift R3 2009 model for a premium over the common mountain bikes and a total puny by the gold standards. Even if its rear shock’s not at 100% anymore, with its clicking and making the weirdest of noises, it still serves me well and hasn’t failed. Taking it home was something I’ve always wanted, and something no one, even Dona wanted me to do.
But today, with no one to help fuel my desire for another go, after our scheduled trip to Daranak falls was sadly diverted for another route, I decided and convinced Dona that I will and I could get my bike home.
After 3 grueling hours. I was successful but I totally underestimated how boring it was to be doing solo biking alone at such distances. If with any kind of activity, touring by foot, exercising at the gym – one gets tired or bored, one can readily quit. With biking, one gets nowhere when he suddenly decides he just wants to quit. So I learned a painful lesson and by now I could just remember myself as I was doing Villar’s C5 extension. I was just shouting all along that long pitiful overpriced highway as I kept on finding ways to entertain myself. I never thought that boredom would be far worse than being tired when biking.
Of course it wasn’t all bad. I tried new routes, finding the most optimal way from QC to south without the distraction of reckless jeepneys. I ended traversing Tondo though, and what I saw was enough to cause pain in my eyes. Then there was Intramuros, Quirino, MOP, Bay Walk, CCP and MOA. I also passed by runners still to complete their marathon run for Milo.
Next week, I should summon enough mental strength for me to take this bike back to where it should really belong.
Total Time: 3:13’26
Total Distance: 49.52 kms
Avg: 15.3 kph
Max: 35.1 kph
Odometer total: 264.2 kms
Two Weeks In
From someone who claimed he didn’t give a damn how the project will fly. I spent the day feeling sick, wary that everywhere someone’s ready to stab me in the back. It’s more than schizophrenia. I’m well aware and wide awake.
I’m a turd, rotting away slowly in a shit zone. Maybe I’m worse. Environment’s ripe set for me to rot slowly.
It feels no better probably with a dead-end clerical. At least I know my place. Not here, where they’ve souped up a position someone before thought glamorous enough for a full-pledged task and now where there isn’t any effort to hide the forced rationalization. How does one feel receiving an engineering product from a manicurist? Some people, up or down, simply aren’t meant to be where they are now. The stench of incompetency. The fragrance of sarcasm. At least I believe that karma’s always a bitch. People will get their fair share sooner.
Everyone has missed the point, and those who dare talk be damned. Skills needed to work are taught everywhere. But where do they teach politics? It’s everyone for himself here.
It's that time of my life again
There were mornings when I’d get up and ask myself why I had to succumb to a routine I never wished or wanted. I leave before 5 for a 40 minute shuttle ride and continue my sleep for a few more at the office. The day will be filled with the usual 8 hour waste of my life, doing the most mundane things I could think would have helped me in any way. For the whole stretch, I couldn’t always wait to get home. When I get home, I usually had nothing else anyway any more interesting to do. I always wanted an escape and sometimes I get them, but the new challenges and opportunities at work are far from what would ever really make me content with myself. These days, any new assignment leaves me thinking if it’s worth calling myself happy, much unlike before. I go ask if this is really a career. Oh, at least I always have something to patch up this distress. Often times, I go on by just forgetting it’s happening anyway.
They tell me I needed an outlet and a diversion, as that’s what everyone’s doing with their preoccupation with sports. They’ll come early before work to play and leave to play again. I have my own productive version – I saw work as a challenge to be overcome so I could win something work can never give me, enjoying the time spent travelling or going places. I also went back to school, even if was at times killing my travels. I also did a lot more, out to prove that I controlled my time and myself. Starting a business was a way out, I reckoned, but as time went on I was back into thinking if these choices were really mutually exclusive.
I don’t want to be confined yet, in a life with no escape, where it’s too scary to quit there’s nothing to do but endure torment. I’ll be starting on a different kind of work in no time, and still, I don’t see anything worthwhile in it. Usually, I welcome the change, but, I don’t know if I’d get over soon in this feeling of apathy, thinking it won’t better anything I’ve already been receiving for so long.
At school, I was always envious of those already working. I’m far from that vision of myself, big with ideas and passion. They’ve killed my idealistic self, and they’re happy with their work.
Chances
Sabi ni Sir Norms, minsan malas lang daw talaga. I’d give a whole lot if I could go back to the day I was offered that mindless monthly work that I now dread with supreme disgust.
Oh, I’d reconsider. I’d go back so I could kill that fucker and go back so I could kill her again and again for ruining a lot of careers and lives.