The Raving Lunatic

I have a copy of Starcraft 2 for weeks and for the life of me, I was always putting off playing the damn game. I remember the first being one of my first games, with me back in high school all stoked up coming off from playing the Warcraft series. Hell it was fun. Friends and I would even go places where we could play on LAN. When I was taking exams for college, we were laughing bout how the game wouldn’t let itself die. About a decade still, I still found myself playing it, but that time with friends at the office. We were all psyched for the second, ever since seeing the announcement. Sir Norms even had the right reason to upgrade his computer finally.

And that’s all that I could remember after playing the first round. It effing surprised me to find the game too “meh,” too boring to warrant my care. I didn’t put too much into thinking why at the start. I didn’t know why I wasn’t excited, and right after finding the game too unfit for me anymore, I just realized that maybe I’ve outgrown my old young self in this regard, or strategy games specifically probably. But that was me, before. Strategy games defined me before I got interested in RPGs. When I found RPGs too dull and repetitive, I found solace in FPSes. I never gave up playing RTSes, until probably now. Loved CnC3 though. Until then, I’ll probably be waiting again for the last Mass Effect. Or whatever.

I have nothing but the mountain to compare this abode that welcomed me a few hours ago. I felt a calm sense pass by, as I spent the majority of this day alone but still doing what I hate most. I saw congregations of bikers and those wanting to be alone, yet still happy on their bikes. It was just last week that I had some form of enjoyment doing Tagaytay. I love biking but more and more I’m missing climbing again. I always wondered when I’ll be able to go back. I’m right now trudging in the mud, wondering why. It’s like the pain one feels whenever breathing is hardest and muscles complain: “Why subject ourselves to something this hard anyway?” Through the climb, one does rest to do anything that can be done when the mountain forces you to do nothing but climb. Sadly, my home has been those few minutes of rest I value most where I have the time to do everything I want, but which will never be enough. Hay. Wake me up to speed things up. Unlike the prospect of that wonderful crater or summit, I find no enjoyment thinking how painfully far away the reward still is. And is it in any way, even rewarding at all?

From someone who claimed he didn’t give a damn how the project will fly. I spent the day feeling sick, wary that everywhere someone’s ready to stab me in the back. It’s more than schizophrenia. I’m well aware and wide awake.

I’m a turd, rotting away slowly in a shit zone. Maybe I’m worse. Environment’s ripe set for me to rot slowly.

It feels no better probably with a dead-end clerical. At least I know my place. Not here, where they’ve souped up a position someone before thought glamorous enough for a full-pledged task and now where there isn’t any effort to hide the forced rationalization. How does one feel receiving an engineering product from a manicurist? Some people, up or down, simply aren’t meant to be where they are now. The stench of incompetency. The fragrance of sarcasm. At least I believe that karma’s always a bitch. People will get their fair share sooner.

Everyone has missed the point, and those who dare talk be damned. Skills needed to work are taught everywhere. But where do they teach politics? It’s everyone for himself here.

Sabi ni Sir Norms, minsan malas lang daw talaga. I’d give a whole lot if I could go back to the day I was offered that mindless monthly work that I now dread with supreme disgust.

Oh, I’d reconsider. I’d go back so I could kill that fucker and go back so I could kill her again and again for ruining a lot of careers and lives.

Stressing myself all night with three little kids. One’s a brat, one’s learning to be one and one’s insanely stupid. If they had only just been my kids. Fuck it.